Well voters needs guidelines on who to vote. Why don't I give ideas to the Candidates especially in the provinces.
So here is my top 10 guideline for the Old and New Candidates alike.
#10. A Killer Smile - No-one can resist on electing you if you have that killer smile, the smile that can get the old grannies wet during your political rallies, but don't over exaggerate your smile, they might think you're a rapist or a madman.
#9 Bodyguards - Yeah, you need 'em you got to be prepared to protect yourself if you ever get elected, or during election intimidate people in the local villages to vote for you by showing up with your beefy, heavily armed bodyguards, that will get you some votes and a few election violations but who cares? Everyone is too damn scared of you (but mostly your bodyguards) that they'd lose the balls to report you. (Especially recommended for small people who run in the elections, this will cure your little man syndrome.)
#8 A Brand New SUV - You'd need this, travelling the nasty outbacks of your targeted area, and of course a quick getaway from the media once they swarm you with questions on allegations of you having a mistress, illegitimate children and sex scandals, it can also serve as a multipurpose transport, it can be for your personal use, your wife, your 2nd wife, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, or a transport of either of your 20 kids from 10 different wives. You choose how to use it. Also will be of great use if you win, you can silently kill anyone inside it, especially if they are against your policies. (Recommendation, buy ones with heavily tinted windows, install blinkers, sirens and of course make it bullet proof.)
#7 Hand Sanitizer (Or Alcohol if not on the budget) - This will of course be of great use when your skin is sensitive or simply you're just a hypocrite who shakes hands with people in farming communities just to get the vote. It will not hurt bringing these on the go, will be of great use also if you get elected, you can clean gunpowder residue or wash of the blood of those you'll kill on the way. (Especially recommended to bitches and dickheads who think they're so special.)
#6 Expensive Perfume (Or Cologne if you are cheap) - YES! All politicians would like to smell good in front of the people (Or of course around ladies) the subtle sweet smell of the perfume will draw them near you, and for politicians with many wives this is of great use especially if you just finished number 2 and you're about to go to number 3.
WE HAVE REACHED A MILESTONE, THE TOP 5 IS UP NEXT.
#5 Dummies - you need people to attend your campaign sorties, so you need to set up a mob of "supporters" who you paid 250 pesos each to watch you talk about your empty promises, and occasionally throw slurs against your opponent on how his breath stinks or on how he has been suffering from erectile dysfunction, dummies will just clap, laugh and clap more, and cheer a lot, of course you paid them. They are great use especially to politicians who are new to the game or for towns where people are disinterested with politics.
#4 Intelligence Committee- Come on, this is a must have for all politicians, they must be well informed! Information ranges from, your opponents political tactics to what soap he uses. Nothing beats a good intelligence committee to give politicians an edge on what issue will they throw at their opponents.
#3 A Good Campaign Jingle - From their re-worded versions of Gangnam Style, to their own compositions, a good politician knows how to stir up and make a "catchy" campaign jingle. Nothing beats an outstanding and traditional campaign jingle other than the next must have for politicians.
#2 A Huge Budget - Let's look into the area of at least 50 - 100 Million (depending on the population), A politician can never have too much budget for his campaign, he has great uses for this, the advertisements, the posters, the jingles, the campaign sorties, gasoline expenses, food expenses and of course, it is a good negotiating tool, shove a few hundred at the voters hands and they'd vote for you, it can also be of great use to silence your critics or for this instance, silence your mistresses and the ladies you have had your way with. Don't worry on how much money you spend in the campaign, you'll recover it eventually once you are elected, and beats me you'll recover it or might even double it in less than a year, depending on your strategies.
#1 Bulletproof Vest - The most important thing you must have. Every once in a while, there'd be a couple of dudes who will try to get you to sleep with the fishes or be buried 6 feet under, and with the political situations in the provinces, you'll need this a lot. Might as well convert your underwear into a bulletproof version. But after everything is said and done, it's your turn to pop the guys who tried to pop you so, #10 Bodyguards is also a must have.
So that is my guide for Politicians in the province, I hope I helped.
I just said from how I saw it, I saw it IN the Eyes of a Teen.
Recommend, Comment, Suggest and Read.
I appreciate y'all for looking into this.
No comments:
Post a Comment